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If you decide to tell…
Telling people you care about that
you are HIV-positive can be totally
overwhelming and scary. But, sometimes
telling someone can make things easier.
Some of you have already told people
and have family and friends that support
you. But some of you haven’t
told anyone you are HIV-positive.
Deciding who to tell and when or what
to say is hard. If you decide to tell
someone think it over first. Remember,
people may or may not have a good
reaction to the news.
Talking to people to get advice about
how to talk about stuff can be really
helpful. If you’re not sure who
to talk to here are some ideas of
people other people have talked to:
a counselor, doctor, nurse, social
worker or other people who have experienced
the same situation. (How did they
go about telling people their news?)
If you decide to tell family &
friends you could also give your family
some educational materials that will
help them understand HIV. Check out
the Getting
Help section for more information
on where to get HIV information.
Friends
“I was really scared to tell
my best friend that I had HIV, but
I talked to my mom and she told
me that if I wanted to I could.
So I did and she didn’t freak
out or anything – she just
asked me a bunch of questions. It
was good to talk about it. …now
she knows and is cool with it so
I feel good and that’s cool”
"I think that friends come
and go so I don’t trust any
friends enough to tell them I am
HIV-positive”
“When I take my meds at sleepovers
and stuff I just tell my friends
that I have a problem with my immune
system or that I have a blood disorder.
My nurse told me that it was better
to tell part of the truth so I remember
what I tell people and I feel less
guilty about lying.”
You don’t have to tell your
friends that you are HIV-positive.
Friends may come and go so you may
want to think about whom you trust
enough to tell. Telling people is
a very personal decision.
Family
Some of you have families that already
know you are HIV-positive. In fact,
sometimes you are not the only person
in the family who has HIV.
“I wanted my parents to be
involved in everything. They are
a huge support to me. I don’t
know what I’d do without them”
But, some of you haven’t told
your families. Telling your family
that you're HIV-positive can be really
hard. Your family may not know how
to react and may have a hard time.
But lots of families are really supportive.
Remember, you have the right to
decide how much you tell anyone, even
your parents.
If your home doesn't feel safe or
you're no longer living with your
family, there are many places out
there that can help you. [Check out
Getting Help]
Dating
“I’ve dated lots of guys
but I haven’t told any of them
I am HIV-positive. I figure they
don’t need to know unless I
am actually having sex with them
– which I’m not!”
If you are going to have sex you
need to always protect yourself
and your partner by having safe sex
with a condom. But you need to
tell your partner you have HIV because
you could give it to them. It can
be hard to talk to someone you really
like about your HIV. You are not alone;
you can get chat with a counselor
or someone from an HIV/AIDS organization
in your area to make it easier. [Check
out Getting
Help]
If you get HIV later on you may want
to think about telling past sexual
partners so they can get tested too
(especially if you had unprotected
sex). In some provinces, you may be
able to get help from a public health
worker if you want to tell your past
or current sexual partners without
telling them your name. [Check out
the Safer
Sex & Getting
Help for more information]
School
“My guidance counselor took
me out of class this one day and
asked if I was OK because I had
missed so much school. I have to
miss school for my doctor’s
appointments at the clinic. Inside
I felt mad and scared. There was
no way I was telling a teacher!
So I said ‘no’ and told
her I’d let her know if I wanted
to talk”.
You do not need to tell anyone at
school that you are HIV-positive.
If you cut yourself teachers and staff
should wear rubber gloves when helping
any children.
Medical Professionals
“I go to a HIV-specialist
so he knows I have HIV and the other
people at the clinic know too –
but that’s it.”
“When I got sick I was in the
hospital for a while and after I
got out I had to get Homecare to
help me out. My family decided not
to tell the nurse I was HIV-positive
because the nurse is supposed to
be safe around me anyhow. I just
don’t want a stranger knowing.
The nurse just knows I have a blood
disorder.”
You don’t have to tell your
Doctor, nurse, social worker, homecare
provider or any other healthcare professional
you are HIV-positive unless you want
to tell them. But, if you don’t
already have a doctor or HIV-specialist
helping you stay well you may want
to think about telling your doctor
so you can get the medication you
need to stay healthy.
Do I have to tell anyone?
This is a very simple question that
has a hard answer. There are two things
to think about before you decide to
tell someone:
- What does the law say?
- How do you feel about telling?
The Law
There are two different laws
that talk about HIV.
Criminal Law:
The only person/people you have to
tell you’re HIV-positive is your
sexual partner(s).
The Supreme Court of Canada says
that you have to tell your HIV status
to your sexual partners if you have
unprotected sex (sex without a condom).
If you don’t tell them you can
be charged – even if your sexual
partner doesn’t get HIV.
Generally the Criminal Law says that
If you have unprotected sex and do
not tell your HIV-positive status
to your HIV-negative partners, you
have committed an assault UNLESS it
can be confirmed (in the courts) that
the partner would have consented to
the unprotected sex even if he or
she had known about your HIV status
before. (Taken from the Cuerrier case)
Public Health Law:
This is a provincial law. Every province
has different Public Health laws.
So you need to look into your province’s
public health law for more information.
There are some areas where the local
public health office calls up the
HIV clinic on a regular basis to ask
for updates about their HIV+ patients.
Overall, there is an enormous variation
from health unit to health unit
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