Tabby, 27 infected when she was 20 years old, from Toronto

I am from Southern Africa and have been living with HIV since 1998. Presently, aged 28 and a mother of 2 toddlers – whom I adore!

I have no regrets, except there are some decisions I would have made a little differently. I think life is usually what you make of it. My childhood was great and my parents offered me the opportunities of a lifetime. Every night I thank them for that.

When I was in third year in college I fell ill and had to miss school for a month. I was not sure what was going on. All I remember is that I felt weak, could hardly walk and had no appetite at all. But my family made me eat and made me finish all my meals. At the time I had a relationship with a guy. I went out with him up until I came to Canada. He was a wonderful person whom I was madly in love with, and I hoped that someday I would marry him.

When I was ill my parents did all they could for me. They sent me to several specialists. All of them, surprisingly, said they didn’t know what was wrong with me. Finally I went to my family physician and she told me that I had a little virus in my blood and would have to take a specific type of medication for the rest of my life. I asked again, and she repeated that it was a little virus, nothing to worry about. I don’t blame her for not specifying because my parents probably made that decision for me, knowing that I wouldn’t handle the news well. Back in those days I was a lot weaker emotionally. But now I am strong as a rock. Come what may, I will be able to tackle it maturely!

The day I had this conversation with my doctor, my boyfriend gave me a ride home. Before going home, he went to the pharmacy to buy my prescription. Again. life was made easier for me and I didn’t have to think about my positive status because they didn’t have it at the pharmacy.

As days went by, my dad kept asking me if I had bought the medication. I said “no”, and eventually I got better and he stopped asking me. A couple weeks later my blood results were sent to me, but I decided not to get my medications – even after a couple of calls from the doctor. I decided that what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me and from then on I lived my life as an HIV negative person, meaning that I blocked out the fact that I could be HIV-positive and instead lived a normal life, though I unconsciously started to watch what I ate.

A year later, I completed my college diploma and went into the workforce. This was a good experience for me because I was financially independent, even though I still lived with my parents.

In 2001, I decided to come and live in Canada. A month before I came, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years was a sex commercial worker. He had started in his early teenage years. People in his community knew about his practices. The questions that came to my mind was “How come I never knew?” and “How could he do this to me?” Another thing that puzzled me is why he did not open up about this to me. But I found out it was because he sold himself to men only. At first, I was disgusted by his sexuality! But now I think that I was misled in a relationship that should have never been, and I no longer blame him because homosexuality is not openly accepted in the country I came from I began to think that perhaps I was HIV-positive because HIV was really associated with prostitution back in those days.

A couple of moths later, after my arrival into Canada, my body became very weak again. I decided to go for an HIV test. After this test, which was positive, I finally came to accept my status without a doubt. I came to terms with my status within less then a month. But the only problematic thing was that my doctor didn’t give me a choice whether or not I wanted to start medication., He just said, “Take ‘em and you will live” He put me on Sustiva and combivir and they gave me hell! I got nightmares and I was depressed.

During these last days, I met the man who would become the father of my kids. Within a couple of months, I was pregnant. This was a good occurrence because I craved to have a kid. Then I had another. I love my kids. They keep me going. Ever since I had them I have never been depressed. My days are all smiles and laughs.

At the beginning of 2005 I decided to go back to school and upgrade my diploma so that I’ll be able to join the work force in Canada. And that’s what I am still doing. It is hard being a parent and going to school, but sometimes life is what you make it. So, I take one day at a time and spend the most time I can with my little precious ones.

To everyone out there – don’t give up on life! Try to do your best in everything, try to relax and don’t make any spontaneous decisions without thinking about everything you do – to avoid regrets. Remember, life is too short for any regrets. Cheers and stay positive!